Why Asking for Help is So Hard

Have you ever needed help and not asked for it? I have and there were a myriad of reasons I gave myself for not asking. It is no secret that there are many women suffering in silence because they believe they should not need help from anyone. 

I have heard it said “my mom had six kids and did not have help. If she could do it then surely, I can do it.”  I have also heard if I ask for help that indicates a sign of weakness.  We all have reasons why at one point we did not or could not ask for help. However, I want to demystify some of our perceived thoughts about asking for help. 

One, we were not created to operate in isolation.

In the 60s and 70s, families generally lived in the same city, a lot of time in the same neighborhood, if not just down the road. This made asking for help unnecessary. Families were so interconnected that if or when a need arose it was given without fanfare.

Two, our perception of how moms handled things growing up is based on limited perspective as a child (in most cases).

There is no way to know what moms were or were not doing because in most cases children were not privy to adult conversations.  It could appear that your mom did not ask for help when, in fact; you going to your grandmother’s after school or on weekends was because your mom asked for help. 

Lastly, asking for help is an indication of strength not weakness.

It means that you recognize that you have limitations and need help to foster the most conducive environment for yourself, your child, and your family.

Is asking for help difficult? It can be. But only when there is this perceived idea that one should have it all together and not need anyone else.  Or maybe you have asked for help and not received it when asked.  This can prevent one from asking.  But do not allow “no” to prevent you from asking again or even asking someone else.

We all need help at some point in different ways.  That help can come from a variety of places like friends, daycare, family, schools, after-care programs, church, sororities, mentorship programs. 

Ask for help, you will be glad that you did!